My New Year Fuck-its

There’s a new framework in town for the notorious new-year resolutions – the new year fuck-its.

Just stumbled upon an inspired blogpost that inverses the concept of resolutions from serious things that I will do to serious things I won’t do. Doesn’t that instantly ease the pressure off? Instead of abandoning resolutions altogether, why not explore a more positive concept (namely, fuck-it) and make it work for you. Always enthusiastic about such psychological trials, I’ve decided to give it a shot. So here goes:

My New Year Fuck-its:

1) I will not care about doing everything right, as long as I can do some things right. I heard of this phenomenon all my life; yet fell straight into the trap of classic adult-woman expecting to be awesome at everything – keeping that body, excelling at work and homemaking, etcetera. 2013 from that perspective had me looking like the duck that keeps bobbing up and down to keep afloat. And I say, having it all is not all that it’s quacked up to be. I’ve now decided women who say they have it all are lying. What they do have is the ability to choose and make peace with their choices. So I choose to fuck having it all

2) F* long-term goals: Goals are meant to be realistic and long-term is not realistic. So I’ve decided to set short-term goals, like weekly. If they’re visible, they’re probably doable. So if I can exercise for one week and reset the goal after that for another week or defer it for a week because of other commitments and so on, I will have met my one New Year fuck-it.

3) I will not always be mature: maturity by definition means full development. Is everything ever fully developed? In 2014, I will not waste my energy in pretending to be mature in emotions or actions, when it isn’t possible. Maturity is overrated, boring…and ineffective. General consensus is that we were happier as kids and there was nothing mature about us then. So this year I plan to use all that energy that goes into the trial and fail exercise of maturity into something more meaningful – like beating friends at Taboo and being competitive about it (by embracing immaturity, I embrace that winning IS the most important part of playing :P)

4) F* Moping: I can safely say that after 29 years of being a moper (albeit, a silent one), I have learnt that it leads to nothing. Moping about having too much to do, about annoying patterns of life or not holidaying enough, is a colossal waste of physical and mental energy. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not an outlet and only lends fuel to the cyclical nature of moping.

5) I won’t necessarily do things perfectly. F* perfection. It only makes you procrastinate. I’ve waited long enough for the perfect comeback post for blogging (and clearly this isn’t it) or perfect idea for a new venture. But as they say, perfection is the child of time…and time is the child of wind (okay no one says that)…there’s no point in chasing it. So, I choose that 2014 be imperfect, yet awesome.

Cheers to that! Happy New Year y’all 😀

(p.s: Those interested in the inspiration for this post, please read: https://medium.com/life-tips/494224e0f983)

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Life Without Carbs – Big McDull

Food and I

I have been on a low-carb diet for 3 whole days, and I think I’ve lost more of my sense of humor than weight. 

Gaucomole n Carbs

Gaucomole n Carbs

Procrastination takes a new meaning when you put away exercising for so long, leaving it for the last 5 days before the event that you’re trying to lose weight for and then you know no matter how much you exercise, you’re not going to lose anything but your mind, praying and willing for inches to fall off.

I have severely exceeded my feed limit in the past few weeks, and so I am forced to go off the  item I love most in the food universe – carbohydrates.  Yes, I crave bread like normal people would crave chocolate,   or wine, or cheese.  Today, I went to a café (rookie mistake, why would I go to a café when I can’t eat bread?).  I ordered some wine (some would argue I should be off-wine and not carbs, but I dismiss that on the grounds that wine makes me laugh and laughing is exercise). And then I ordered, ahem, a salad. To avoid seeing other people relish the joy of bread-ing, I selected the scantily populated outdoor seating. That, however, was not enough to keep the occasional whiff of fresh oven-baked bread heaven air from hitting me time and again. Three times of that and there – goodbye happiness.  Life without carbs has been dull, but it’s not just that, I also noticed I’m a lot crankier, slower to catch or throw humor, and disoriented. Essentially then, for me, it seems, food is happiness.  

dessert

dessert

Anyway, last few days have left me in a hungry daze – intelligent hungry daze because I seem to be intellectualizing everything from self-control to happiness to anxiety (you can see the disorientation). The thing is, in the past few weeks, I’ve been content and happy.  Not that I’m not that usually, but there are certain points in life, when an invisible contentment takes over, hitting you randomly in a car ride, or in the shower or while watering plants.  That slow simmering equilibrium that you notice even more after emerging from some form of unrest or uncertainty. This balance is blissful in that I have worked hard for it, earned it and most importantly,  know how to sustain it to some degree. Don’t worry, there has been no catastrophe, I’m a drama queen more than anything else. But past few months have certainly  tested patience, resilience and the efficacy of personal survival toolkit.  I’m reminded of this today because I read a fellow blogger’s post on how everything eventually passes and becomes okay. Sometimes it takes longer than it should, but then nothing and no one is punctual these days, are they?

The Tom-Yum Day

The Tom-Yum Day

This relates to food, because in the past year I’ve discovered, that food is an important part of my glamorized survival toolkit. Whoever coined the term comfort food knew what (s)he was talking about. No matter what the situation, as long as one is blessed with penny in the pockets and the strong personal characteristic of being a foodie, one has at his or her disposable the most consistent companion of chow.  A hot yummy fresh meal, served right off the oven, boasts of warmth and health for me. Sometimes also of new beginnings, hopes and even memories. I’ve thought plenty of old times, good and bad, while eating familiar meals. But every time I ate and remembered, I smiled at the memory that may have otherwise caused some cringing. When I dig into my steaming hot tom yum noodle soup,  I sense the anxiety of impending elephant tasks, slowly slipping away.  Think about it, when we travel to a new place, its food that first connects us to it, taking away the discomfort of an unknown territory. Maybe that’s why the basics of food, clothing, shelter are designated as basics. As we grow up, we aspire, we desire, and  then perspire to achieve all that (apologies for the limerick, couldn’t stifle it), but as adults, we often forget that all our infant selves needed, was a well-fed tummy to retain those gleeful toothy grins.

Friendly Lobster from Maine

Friendly Lobster from Maine

And so, as I temporarily abstain from carbs, and try to wishfully shrink my waist, I’m happy to make note that as I grow older, make more mistakes, harbor more of  reasonable and some unreasonable fears, step into predictable pitfalls and all that natural wonderful stuff, I am lucky enough to rely on my love for food and  as I like to believe, its love for me, to get me by.  Let food and I continue to be on our honeymoon, and let temporary abstinence only make us fonder and stronger.

Amen.

No Strings Attached – Falling in Lust or Falling in Love?

I recently watched “No Strings Attached” – the Natalie Portman – Ashton Kutcher starrer-romantic comedy.

This is one of the best sappy movies to be released around Valentine’s Day. For one, it’s good on the eyes – at the cost of being controversial, I’m referring more to Natalie Portman than Ashton Kutcher.  The chemistry between Natalie and Ashton was refreshing, explosive and warm – a good change from the forced cutesy stuff seen in most romantic comedies these days.  The story line was kind of standard – A guy and girl try to keep their relationship strictly physical, but it’s not long before they learn that they want something more.

Standard movie with outstanding performances and an engaging script made it a great V-day weekend watch.

Later, I got to thinking about relationships – – you can guess from the absence of its presence on this blog, that’s my favorite topic 🙂

I wonder…can it really ever be no strings attached? Has the biology of men and women wired them in such a way that falling in lust eventually leads to falling in love? {never mind the times we can’t tell one from the other}

The couple in the movie has great fun till one of them mentions the word love, almost immediately bringing the feelings of fear, restlessness and complication into the mix.

Of course these complications are a new-age phenomena. Today, being in love is not just the wonderful happenstance of the two concerned people falling into it.

After Cupid waves his wand, it takes a few more mini-miracles these days for the magic to work – first, the two people must hopefully be in love with each other and not some third hero/heroine of the story. Second, they have to be in love, with each other, at the same time, not one after or before the other in some string of comedy of errors.  Third, not only do they have to be in love, with each other, at the same time, but also be in the know of the existence of their love concurrently. There are movies made on this long gestation period of realization or epiphanies, not all with happy endings. Fourth, and the most popular one these days, they have to be in love, with each other, at the same time, concurrently, AND be “ready” for a relationship.

The readiness can be defined in various ways – it means one has miraculously gotten rid of old hurts, let go of previous loves, dropped any emotional baggage, and is open and willing to risk all of that stuff all over again. Hence, the current popularity of that rid-let go-drop-willing readiness stage. Too many verbs to work with.

This particular mental state has gained so much institutionalized ground that even Facebook has offered a thoughtful status of  “it’s complicated” for its dear members.

So as the movie attests, it is of no concern whether love comes first or lust. It all really boils down to this readiness. Let me not spoil it for those of you yet to watch it. Let’s just say because of the non-readiness of one of the involved parties, it takes a while for the happily ever after to come around.

It seems then that what our previous generations had and we don’t is an open and clear state of mind and sense of self, not plagued with today’s frustrations, stress, and most of all, choices.

And if that is so, then I’m reminded of something that struck me from the finale episode of Sex and the City – a show that  chronicled the success and failures of love for six years. The last line of the show went something like this, “Relationships can be new and exotic, or ones that are old and familiar…those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

To the fabulous singles, and the fabulous doubles,  Happy Valentine’s Day!

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